Wine Magnets
and Other Scams About to Hit Our Shores
Having just returned from North America, I bring news of wine
scams about to hit our shores. They are products that claim to
enhance wines by instantly “improving” them, or instantly “maturing”
young wines, through pseudo-scientific processes such as magnetism
or electricity or even forces channeled from the universe.
One US website sets out the text of a spam email doing the rounds
in North America:
"There's a fool born every minute."
Phineas Barnum |
“MagicFlavor Plug-in Magnetizing Dispenser for Red Wine and
Brandy.
I need to
explain to you a bit about how our newly-invented product works.
The wines are made of grapes, the grape skin, seed and stems
containing Tannin. Tannin is compounded with phenol or flavor.
The wine is aged by oxidation of this compound which will be
chemically combined one by one by oxidation to form a chain of
molecules. The longer the chain is and the older the wine is.
Our product is just a magnetizer. When a conductive fluid (in
this case wine) passes through a magnetic field, an electrical
charge is created. Our device is having a |
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di-pole where the fluid will be cut through the magnetic
field 90 degree with respect to the line of field. Once it is
cut through the field, an ionization is induced on the
molecules, hence each group of phenol will lose a hydrogen and
have a (minus) charge. This effect will course the ionized
groups of molecules to form a virtual chain which will be
physically similar to the aged wine. The effect will only last
for 15 days but it is enough time for drinking. You can call our
product as "Age wine instantly using magnetic". You can take a
young, callow, brash and uncouth bottle of cheap red wine or
brandy, use our Plug-in Magnetizing Dispenser on it, and the
result will allegedly be... well, not Grange, but distinctly
better than it was.” |
The tortured
grammar of the text is nothing compared to the tortured chemistry
that “explains” the process.
Here are some
other beauties that you could probably find by Googling “snake
oil and wine”:
WINE CELLAR
EXPRESS (http://www.winecellarexpress.com/).
This product
declares itself, "the only patented discovery that miraculously
'ages your wine to perfection' in 30 or less minutes!" The idea
is that you put your wine on this coaster (available in wood grain
or brushed aluminium) and magically the coaster’s magnetic field
softens and reduces the wine’s harsh tannins – all in half an hour!
The coaster reproduces the natural ageing process that would take
years in a cellar. Yours for US$US plus postage and handling.
Utter rubbish.
THE WINE CLIP
(http://www.thewineclip.com/)
This product is
even more unbelievable. It is a plastic and metal device that clips
around the neck of the wine. Inside the device are six powerful
magnets. As the wine is being poured, it passes close these
magnets. This brief exposure to a magnetic field, the maker claims,
splits up molecules suspended into the wine into smaller molecules,
thus breaking down the wine's impurities and tannins. "It's the
physical change which accounts for the enhanced flavor and bouquet.
The taste of many small molecules is smoother than the taste of
fewer large molecules." Yours for US$35. Utter tosh.
THE PERFECT
SOMMELIER (http://www.perfectsommelier.com/)
Well, for some
reason the US Patents Office have granted this thing a patent. Then
again, to get a patent, a product just has to be original – it
doesn’t have to work.
"This product
has been scientifically proven," says the Website. It
"improves virtually any wine in less than 30 minutes. ... Replace
the cork with the Sommeliers' top and place the bottle of wine on
the stand. In 30 minutes a remarkable change occurs due to the
strong magnetic field created by The Perfect Sommelier. All wines
will age and exhibit the same aging effect as in being 'cellared'
for years ..."
Hmmm… now where
have we heard this before?
It comes in
“executive chrome” or “premier gold” and is yours for
US$50-$60. Bollocks.
THE WINE
ENHANCER (http://www.lifeforceenhancements.com/)
The Wine Enhancer |
This one really
pushes the boat out – US$149 and it eliminates hangovers! But did I
mention how attractive it will look? It’s a large, heavy epoxy disc
and has colourful crystals as well as a coppery coil embedded
inside.
"Not only does
it soften tannins and open up young wines, but it eliminates red
wine headaches!"
|
Now, ever since
high school physics I have always thought that wherever there was a
copper coil, a magnetic field couldn’t be far away. But how wrong
am I? This copper coil does not induce magnetism or
"harmful electrical currents" like those found in its
competitors. Rather, this product has, in defiance of Newton’s
laws, "natural sustainable energy" brought about by "a
perfect combination of 11 carefully selected semi-precious gems and
minerals ... a unique combination of technologies, tapping into
natural energy sources that exists within our atmosphere (as
discovered and well researched by Nicola Tesla and Wilhelm Reich).
The enhancer collects, amplifies and then broadcasts these life
supporting energies in perfect coherence."
Wow! Why waste
the energy equivalent of the perpetual motion machine on wine? Why
not sell it to governments and get rid of those nasty coal fired
power stations?
Too harsh, you
say? OK, well here are the results of a wine tasting that used the
wine enhancer:
“After an extended E-mail correspondence, Mr. Catania [the
promoter of the product] talked me into trying a Wine Enhancer for
myself.
I duly set up a double- blind tasting for a group of local
sommeliers, comparing treated and untreated glasses of wines in
unmarked glasses, revealing the identity of the treated glass only
after the scores were in. I tried it again with other groups, and at
home, repeatedly, always tasting "blind." The results were never
better (or worse) than random, suggesting that the device has no
effect on wine at all.
Non-intrusive analysis of the admittedly attractive disc revealed
no hidden mysteries within, and variations on testing - including
leaving wine to "charge" for extended periods - made no difference.
The thing did nothing to effect the wine in any way.
Similar tests by myself and others with the other products,
including a rather hilarious "offline" session in NYC with a group
of our forum members and the inventor of the Wine Cellar Express,
showed consistently similar results: Zero, zip, nothing, nada.”
Anyway, if you see
one of this magical devices at a friend’s house, reproduce the
experiment with a blind tasting – it won’t improve the wine, but it
will provide an hour or two of amused guffaws.
 |
If, for some reason, you are thinking about
buying one, the author of the above experiment has some bridge
property in New York that is for sale. Co-incidentally, I have
shares in a bridge for sale in Sydney that you might be
interested in. Send your money in a plain envelope with a
covering letter stating, “I understand I may never see my
money again.” Ben Killerby |
After the above article was posted, I received an email from the
promoter of the wine enhancer. This is what he said:
“From: Robert Catania [mailto:rcatania@WineEnhancer.net]
Sent: Sunday, 26 March 2006 10:38 PM
To: grapevine@killerby.com.au
Subject: Your site is the joke
Hey Ben
If you do not
believe things you read online why you are copying the
inaccurate words of another jerk. Have you tried it?
Oh no that
would require some effort and an open mind. Do you really think
all the testimonials are a scam? I would have had to pay some
big money for those people. Do you really think the wine
spectator, major media food editors and all the other
professionals sourced are all clueless? Sorry to point out those
facts.
Poor effort
to get hits on your site. You’re the snake oil salesman here Ben
and an ignorant one to post this obviously inaccurate trash.
Maybe we
should talk about your wines on some sites.
Catania
Wine Enhancer Inc.
Robert V Catania
President
508-428-1127 Voice
508-428-1142 Fax
rcatania@WineEnhancer.net
www.WineEnhancer.”
Well, well! Apparently I am selling
snake oil instead of sauvignon! And despite three university
degrees and a lifetime in the wine trade, it appears that I
am the ignorant one! Silly me – I get these things around the
wrong way some time!
It seems that unless I retract my comments,
my wines are going to get trashed on the Internet. Dear me!
So I wrote back to the obviously riled
promoter of the Wine Enhancer:
“Robert,
I would be
pleased to have your explanation as to how inert gems and metals
can affect catechins, proanthocyanidins, tannins or flavonoids.
I would be
happy to try out your device on different wines to see if it
makes a difference.
It it does,
I will happily print a retraction.
Yours
sincerely
Ben Killerby
Killerby Vineyards
Tel 08 9722-3222
Fax 08 9795-7835
www.killerby.com.au"
“From:
Robert Catania [mailto:rcatania@WineEnhancer.net]
Sent: Sunday, 26 March 2006 11:47 PM
To: 'Ben Killerby'
Subject: RE: Your site is the joke
Ben
Perhaps that
would have been the wiser approach rather then copying a poorly
done experiment by an ignorant man with an agenda to make the
wine spectator look bad.
There is a
bit more to the story Ben, I just do not have a wine forum or
time to post it all on.
I let my
reputation in the food and wine business (which is extensive)
and its performance and testimonial speak for itself. By the way
my family and I are very involved in the wine business in New
England and I must say you picked bad people to blindly ridicule
for something that has no connection to your business. We own
and operate 8 restaurants and 3 hotels which buy a lot of wine
and know a lot of people. We host many wine shows and know all
the reps and distributors.
The fact is
you negatively attack a business with no fist hand knowledge of.
The fact that you completely ignore much more reputable people
then Robin Gar indicates to me it would make no sense to send
one to you because you are closed minded and would only ridicule
it further.
We are
getting it in the hands of American Wine makers who have open
mindedly agreed to test it for me and get lab work done. The
labs here are used to dealing with wineries only and this has
slowed the down that information. I have hundreds of these out
there already in the hands of people who are appreciating this
still not fully understood phenomena.
If you care
to do some work, a lot of information on this energy field is
connected on my site under more on the technology, it is new
and still not fully understood, but does do as claimed and helps
people with red wine headaches a great deal. If you are smart
you will see the positive in that it would help WINERIES
sell more red wine to millions of people who cannot drink it.
Whole Foods Market is smart enough to see this and many more.
Sincerely
www.cataniahospitalitygroup.com
Catania Wine Enhancer Inc.
Robert V Catania
President
508-428-1127 Voice
508-428-1142 Fax
rcatania@WineEnhancer.net
www.WineEnhancer.net”
“Dear Robert
OK, well as
I said, I would be pleased to hear how inert metals and gems can
affect tannins. It seems from your reply that there is in fact
no explanation for this as yet. Perhaps when you get the lab
results back you could send me a copy. I would be very
interested to read it.
I am sorry
that you do not feel that sending one of your products to me
would change my mind. I can assure you that I would test it
scientifically and according to the empirical method. I would
return the device to you, along with the results. If there is
any change in the physical composition of wine brought about by
gemstones and metal, I promise you I will print a full
retraction.
Perhaps we
could test it at the Australian Wine Research Institute
laboratory. How does that sound?
Yours
sincerely
Ben Killerby
Killerby Vineyards
Margaret River
Tel 08 9722-3222
Fax 08 9795-7835
www.killerby.com.au
"Hand-Made Originals - Hand Delivered"
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